haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
