I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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