sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
