Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
