...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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