Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
