swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So I just went to clothing optional bar
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
