so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
