At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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