who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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