Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
