I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
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