If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
