just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
