How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
