You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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