When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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