I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
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