rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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