all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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