i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
