So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
