once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
