so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
