If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
