I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
