She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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