I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
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