Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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