dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
