So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
