Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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