he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
