I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
