so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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