I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
whose parrot is this?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
