I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
