I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
