3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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