He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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