I hate all girls vehemently.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
