I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
