I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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