apparently the secret to your success is patron
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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