You made me cry and you don't even care
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
