I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
