I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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