What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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