Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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