I love black thongs
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
