I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
