Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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