After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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