i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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