You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
